What Is Modesty? – Margaret Grant, 10/16/1902

Republished from our predecessor publication Lucifer the Light Bearer

It is so well understood that modesty becomes a woman, that it behooves us, as women, to know just what modesty
really is. If we open the dictionary, we find, according to Webster, that modesty is “natural delicacy or shame regarding
personal charms and the sexual relation; purity of thought and manners.” Of course every woman will understand that
this definition refers especially to her; the rule for men will vary considerably from this, as is no more than right,
considering the subordinate position we hold in relation to them. Certainly it was with a sigh of relief that I read that
modesty was a “natural” delicacy or shame, for as a woman I wished a sure guide for my inquiring mind. If modesty
were an affair of nature and not of art, then my way would be smoothed before me; and if I might not trust my own
instincts, which perhaps were perverted, I might study a child, in whom there was no art, and so come to the truth. I
might as well admit, at the outset, that I had no clear ideas of modesty. There was this in my favor, however: that I
earnestly longed to know what modesty was, in order that I might successfully practice it. Well, I set about the study
of a child’s conduct. You can imagine the result. I was shocked, appalled; the little wretch had no notions whatever
of— I was going to say modesty; but, perhaps, it will be better to say—the rules of the game. That is a phrase men
use, and it ought to please them. It was of no use to study more than one child, in the hope of finding a difference, for
the abandoned creatures, without regard to sex or color, or previous condition of servitude, all behaved themselves in
the same way; that is to say, most immodestly. They did what they were functionally moved to do, or exposed their
nakedness, without any evidence of that sense of shame which is necessary to modesty. But if nature were at fault in
children, I argued, no doubt it would assert itself in savages; so I turned to them. Alas! what a strange and disconcerting
state of affairs I found. It seemed as if each race, if not each tribe, had its own different notions of what was modest.

I found that there were women in Africa who would brave death itself rather than be seen without a shred of cloth or skin
hanging down behind from the waist; others who would have felt it equally infamous to appear in public without a narrow
strip of some material hanging from the neck between the breasts; others who satisfied their sense of modesty completely
by a dozen strips of hide hung from the waist in front, but without hiding any part of the body; others, again, who jeered at
any shred of clothing, saying that the person using it must have some deformity to conceal. In South Africa were women
who held it immodest to appear in public unless their naked bodies were painted; others who were equally ashamed without
a belt two inches broad about the waist. In the South Sea Islands, if a woman were tattooed she was sufficiently clad,
and her modesty was satisfied. So it was with all the savage people living in warm climates; they went naked and were
unashamed. Was not that astonishing? I made up my mind at last that Webster was wrong in saying that modesty was
a natural delicacy or shame. Still, I was not to be balked; I must know what modesty truly was; so I turned to the people
of another civilization than ours, thinking there might be some help there for me. Turkish and kindred Oriental women
had a modesty that would not permit them to show their faces in public; but the creatures wore trousers, betraying the
fact that they had legs—or should I say limbs? Can a woman be modest who does not hide her limbs, I mean? Chinese
women were too modest to expose any part of the body but the face, and that well covered with paint. Even their hands
were kept under cover for the most part of the time; and as for showing their wrists—not they. All of which was encouraging;
but in the midst of my delight over this exquisite modesty, I was told that their private morals were terrible, and that the
hussies wore trousers. There remained the Japanese women. Well, the least said of them the better, in this connection.
Actually they wore clothing when it was convenient, and went without when that suited them better! But the worst feature
of all this was that travelers insisted that in those countries where women went naked they were more moral and chaste
than in those countries where they clothed themselves. Japanese women, for example, are declared to be models of
shyness, gentleness, and modesty.

And they wear clothing or go without, as it suits their convenience—not as suits modesty, mind you, but convenience! Is
the thing credible? H. Crawford Angus, the African traveler, goes so far as to say this: “It has been my experience that
the more naked the people, and the more, to us, obscene and shameless in their manners and customs, the more moral
and strict they are in matters of sexual intercourse.” But who wants to pay such a price for mere morality? Then he goes
on to describe what may be called the initiation into womanhood of girls who arrive at puberty, and says these shocking
things: “The whole matter is looked upon as a matter of course, and not a thing to be ashamed of and to hide; and being
thus openly treated of, and no secrecy made about it, you find in this tribe that the women are very virtuous. They know
from the first all that is to be known, and cannot see any reason for secrecy concerning natural laws or the powers and
senses that have been given them from birth.” Wallace, the famous traveler and scientist, has the presumption to say of
the women of the wild tribes of the Amazon: “There is far more immodesty in the transparent and flesh-colored garments
of our stage dancers than in the perfect nudity of these daughters of the forest.” Now, of course, stage dancers may be,
and very likely are, immodest; but what do you think of a man saying anything in favor of nudity? A respectable gentleman
and a scientist, too! For shame! Do you wonder that I abandoned all ideas of learning anything about modesty from either
children, savages, or peoples of other civilizations? Of course, I no longer had Webster for a guide, since it was certain
that there was no such thing as a “natural” delicacy or shame. Consequently, I made up my mind that modesty was a thing
of our civilization, and quite artificial it might be, but not less necessary for that reason; so I set about discovering what
conduct was modest and what was not. This was not as easy as you might suppose, but I finally made up a list which
received general endorsement, and then set about verifying it by the conduct of those who should know what to do and
what not to do. This is the list, which I made as short as possible: A woman may not expose her limbs to view, nor her
breasts, nor any part of her body nude excepting her hands and face. She must not betray by word, sign, or act that she
has any bodily functions to perform, save only eating and drinking.

She must not be aware that difference of sex consists of anything more than a difference in style of clothing. She must
shudder at the thought of anything distinctly sexual. Actual maternity may be referred to, but possible maternity, being
noticed even indirectly, is cause for a change of color, or of fainting, if possible. It is better that a girl’s health should be
ruined than that her mother should be so indelicate as to speak to her of the especial functions of her sex. A young
woman should pretend that she has no thought whatever about being a wife or mother, but secretly must devote her
whole mind to winning a husband. She should strive with all her might to destroy every symptom of animal passion
within herself, and should know nothing of wifely relations except as she can learn of them in secret and stealthy
talks with ignorant servants or other girls. I admit, at once, that the list is not complete, and that some of the rules
of modesty laid down are somewhat subject to change under conditions not altogether to be defined. For example,
a woman may expose her breasts very freely in the evening, although it would be bad form to do so in the daytime;
and a woman who would permit herself to be seen nursing her baby could not hope to retain the respect of anyone.
Then she may not only betray the fact of being a biped, but may even show her legs with perfect frankness at the
seashore, while to do so in mountain climbing, or in search of health through any exercise, would be shameful. Also,
while on the street, she may draw her skirts so tightly about her lower limbs as to leave the imagination no opportunity
for exercise. Also, while she may not display her breasts nude on the streets, she may wear a girdle which, while
it injures her internal organs, leaves her breasts free to move about in a manner which she has learned is very
provocative to men. I find that some of the rules of modesty lead to ill health and physical weakness, so that few
women are well because of them; but if to be modest is necessary, who can complain of the results?

Of course we all know that health demands proper attention to the excretory processes of the body, but what right
-minded female would not rather suffer any anguish of mind and body than even hint to a male any such need on
her part? Modesty must be maintained though the most serious of internal injuries and permanent illness result.
Hundreds and thousands of girls injure themselves for life by ignorant conduct at the age of puberty; but what modest
mother would save her child one pang by soiling her lips with words that would dispel the child’s ignorance? And, of
course, a young woman would be saved inexpressible suffering if her male companions only knew that once a month
she was subject to a functional change; but what girl would consent to share such indecent knowledge with a boy?
I will not say that I know, now, what makes an act modest or the reverse; but I do know and believe that we women
will never have good health until we throw modesty to the winds, and conduct ourselves like some of those shameless
creatures who really seem to glory in their sex. Shall we do so? Indeed, we shall not. Do I not know your answer?
Let us go on in the good old modest way; sick and ailing all our lives, but not sacrificing one shred of the precious
conventions that we have collected about us at such a terrible cost. Let us live maimed, deformed, decrepit, ignorant,
half-sexed caricatures of women—but let us be modest!